How can you not have all day? The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. 500 matching entries found. May your birthday be as sweet as you are. Famous Quotes by George Carlin about Politics. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money.33.If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor.34.Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. Deal with it.". Related Topics. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. Showing search results for "George Carlin 60th Birthday Jokes" sorted by relevance. How do you feel with 60 years of wisdom? We've been here, what, a 100,000 years, maybe 200,000. Happy 60th Birthday! You are just turning 20 for the third time. However, he is mostly known for his dark comedy that sheds light on a variety of subjects like politics, psychology, taboo subjects, religion and the English language. Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar., I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. I think people should be allowed to do what they want. 172 Copy quote. George Carlin was an outspoken comic, known for his brash sense of humor, foul language and controversial views on politics, religion and other sensitive subjects. "Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. Happy Birthday, my sugar lumps! She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. I will never be able to forget the support that you have given me. There's a humorous side to every situation. I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it. "Don't just teach your children to read. Maybe this time it'll work. The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. At his wife's 60th birthday party in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, d..k Cheney had a huge steak and battered onion rings for dinner. Documentary, Comedy, 1984. Showing search results for "George Carlin Birthday" sorted by relevance. Youve seen or experienced a lot of wonderful things all these years. Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose it'll be much harder to detect. Share with your friends. When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? 32. Forget the politicians. Source: George Carlin: You Are All Diseased. When shes not writing for Quotezine, she can be found excessively quoting The Simpsons or binge watching Netflix. Happy Birthday. A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar. The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.40.Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.41.Religion is like a pair of shoes: Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes.42.I have as much authority as the Pope. August 26, 2013. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. If I cared about Mickey Mouse's birthday I would have memorized it years ago! Get curated quotes straight into your inbox before everyone else! At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. 500 matching entries found. //]]>, by Quotezine Team November 3, 2013, 10:53 pm. 70 Wise Quotes From George Carlin George Carlin is a Grammy-winning American stand-up comedian, actor, and author. Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Commentdocument.getElementById("comment").setAttribute("id","ad25fff6afc452fed4d50cd58278ff8c");document.getElementById("i20ae56af4").setAttribute("id","comment"); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. Share with friends. If you want to know more or withdraw your consent to all or some of the cookies, please refer to the. Showing search results for "George Carlin 60th Birthday Jokes" sorted by relevance. Live album by George Carlin, 1988. George Carlin quotes and jokes about humanity. I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic f***** hatreds! This significance of this day is beyond just your birthday. Fewer Texans. Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. I will pray that you receive more than you have hoped for this birthday. Happy Birthday! What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Birthday Quotes - BrainyQuote. Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. But did you ever notice that we have no war on homelessness? Happy Birthday, my dearest sister. He was born May 12, 1937, in New York City into an Irish Catholic family, but he rejected the faith. The challenge is to find it. 500 matching entries found. It is time to sing and dance, and it is time for birthday bumps! Every day we present the best quotes! Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? I like Florida. God has a three-day weekend.44.Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. Happy Birthday to you! And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. Quotations by George Carlin, American Comedian, Born May 12, 1937. I felt better right away. Have you ever noticed that the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving problems is to declare war on it? This significance of this day is beyond just your birthday. Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. His special, Seven Dirty Words became the central subject for a decision by the US Supreme Court to allow the government to censor indecent material from airing on public mediums. 2013 likes. Long live the king. Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. George Carlin. May you have them both. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity. There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. And armbands. Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.48.Atheism is a non-prophet organization.49.So, have a little fun. Related Topics. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's. Login Sign Up. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid." 2. 500 matching entries found. Soon enough youll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.50.Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.51.I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Enjoy the best George Carlin Quotes at BrainyQuote. On your birthday, I promise to keep all your secrets, to flood you with gifts and never to miss a chance to make you smile. 33. I'm taking your birthday as an opportunity to thank you for all that you are to me. Napalm & Silly Putty, Hyperion. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts.18.In America, anyone can become president. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.". Every table had an argument going. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? On Comedy: "I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately." George Carlin's Most Humorous and Influential Quotes. If youre looking for a glimpse of what George Carlins comedy gigs look like, here is a masterpiece from his HBO special known as the Life Is Worth Living. Its an amazing and hilarious 10 minute clip offering a highlight of what this guy was capable of. One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established. Its just soft., Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Georges words and his life are revered in more ways than one. Do you get on before you get on? I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. Weve collected some of his greatest quotes all in one place. More, by Quotezine Team April 5, 2018, 5:42 pm, Do that every single day, and soon you have a wall, In this video, Will Smith delivers an inspiring speechdiscussing a lesson he learned while working for his fathers construction business. He loves you and he needs money., If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor., Soft rock music isnt rock, and it aint music. 500 matching entries found. I don't do that, why, don't give a shit! Our views are no different: the man was a legend. Happy Birthday, my sugar lumps! [CDATA[ 1.Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Happy Birthday to you, my dearest friend. Hey'It's your 60th birthday!' Custom and user added quotes with pictures, If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next door playing pinball, When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for hygiene and sanitary reasons, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" It is a celebration of someone that is loved and greatly admired. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. BrainyQuote has been providing inspirational quotes since 2001 to our worldwide community. There's no present. Wishing a special 60th Birthday to a special person like you! Could it be that I do is the longest sentence?52.May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.53.Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.54.If you cant say something nice about a person, go ahead.55.People are wonderful one at a time. Michelle Quinteros is a pop culture and lifestyle writer with a fancy degree from McMaster University. No money to be made off of the homeless. I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. Show me one guy or woman as funny as Rodney Dangerfield or as good as George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, or Joan Rivers. Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. I was looking in the mirror the other day and I realized I haven't changed much since I was in my twenties. There's a reason education sucks, and it's the same reason it will never ever ever be fixed. The more you age the more valuable you become. George Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, artist, author, actor, and social critic. Oh especially three. The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done. "He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly.". Good. Every table had an argument going. v. Pacifica Foundation, in which a 54 decision affirmed the government's power to regulate indecent material on the public airwaves (wikipedia). Show more. If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. It just becomes something more entertaining. Happy Birthday! It will not be with jack-boots. There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. Top 10 George Carlin Quotes. The 50 Most Encouraging Virgil Abloh Quotes, The 51 Most Memorable Angela Davis Quotes, 25 Motivational Tim Tebow Quotes Every Sports Fan Can Relate To, 123 Meaningful Deep Quotes About Life To Supercharge Your Life, The 50 Most Uplifting Personal Growth Quotes. He was born on May 12th, 1937 in Manhattan, New York and passed away on June 22nd, 2008 due to heart failure. TIME takes a look at some of the legendary comedian's most memorable lines. What does it mean to pre-board? But he loves you. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.2.Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Related Topics. Chris Rock. Funny, Sarcastic, Witty. On your birthday, I just want to remind you that you are the best person I have ever met in my whole life. When youre born in America, you get a front row seat., You know an odd feeling? 31. Being considered as one of the top comedians of all time, George is well known for his black humor, political views, observations on language, psychology, and religion along with many other taboo subjects. "If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.". George had an interesting take on the things that he did. tags: humor , sci-fi , sleep. It is time to party! The people are f**ked.58.If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.59.Im happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.60.I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. Maybe this time itll work., 31.If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders.32.Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. George Carlin's Estate, via HBO. Home. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrheadoes that mean that 1 enjoys it? Happy 60th Birthday! "The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves.". You know an odd feeling? As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. And a list of people they're going to visit at 3am. (e in b)&&0
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